There’s been a change in the church. More specifically, church leadership. Increasingly, church staff members are leaving or being fired for addressing what has become an unsettling reality: senior church leadership who are unbiblical and scripturally disqualified.
Over the past several years, I’ve been having conversations with people left to pick up the pieces, trying to sort out and understand how these men could be leading the church. The natural knee-jerk response is to tell all! Grab your social media megaphone and share these sinful, hidden, unchallenged, and unaddressed secrets. Why not? They’ve been talking about you – why not return the favor?
And let me add this caveat—I’m not including illegal or abusive behavior that requires immediate reporting and safety measures.
Instead, I’m speaking of the more unkind, arrogant and sinful actions of a leader.
Aren’t we all called to be a holy people? Should the ones who lead be the first to drink from the cup of humility, servanthood, and surrender?
Yet you know they are far from it! So what do you do?
Stay silent! Seek the Lord. Pray. Fast. Seek wise counsel. Speak to a trusted therapist.
There is a particular kind of silence that is holy—it’s selfless.
If you’ve ever served under senior church leadership that cloaks itself in biblical language while living contrary behind closed doors, you know exactly what I mean. Narcissism, manipulation, spiritual abuse, dishonesty—hidden beneath polished sermons and public charisma. You saw it. You felt it. And for a long time, you said nothing.
Why? Because Scripture warns us to be mindful of the tongue, of gossip and slander. Because you love the Church and didn’t want to cause division. Because you weren’t sure if what you were seeing was real—or if it was just you. And maybe, because you weren’t ready.
Let me say this clearly: You are right to be slow.
In a day where public outrage and personal offense are weaponized at every turn, the impulse to “speak up” can sometimes be more about vindication than righteousness. But Scripture calls us to something far deeper than reaction—it calls us to discernment. Before we ever raise our voice, we must examine our motives, measure our words, heal, and prepare our hearts.
Because calling a pastor—or an entire team of elders—to repentance is not a casual task. It’s a sacred one.
First -Examine Your Heart
If your desire to confront leadership is fueled by anger, hurt, or revenge—even if your grievances are valid—you are not ready.
Jesus taught that before you remove the speck from your brother’s eye, you must first take the log out of your own (Matthew 7:3–5). Not because the speck isn’t real. But because your clarity will always be clouded when your own soul is still bleeding.
This process can take time. Longer than you want. Longer than you think is necessary. But it’s critical. Let God deal with your pain before you attempt to deal with someone else’s sin. What we are talking about here is not about payback. It’s not about getting an apology. It’s about calling God’s church to purity—and that demands purity in you first.
Second -Know What Scripture Requires of Leaders
You are not calling leaders to account for how they made you feel. You are calling them to account for how they have failed to meet God’s standard. That’s a different posture entirely.
Here’s what Scripture says qualifies a man for the role of elder or pastor (1 Timothy 3:1–7; Titus 1:5–9):
Above reproach – He cannot have unresolved accusations or hidden patterns of sin.
Not arrogant or quick-tempered – Narcissism has no place in spiritual leadership. Patterns of anger and deflection is not of God.
Lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined – Character, not charisma. Anointing over talent.
Holds firmly to the trustworthy word as taught – A pastor is not just a speaker, but a guardian of doctrine and integrity. They need wisdom from experience and the Spirit.
When those qualities are not present—when manipulation replaces shepherding, when spiritual abuse masquerades as authority—then the people of God have a responsibility not just to see it, but to say something.
Signs You’re Not Ready to Speak
Before you open your mouth, check your soul:
- You still fantasize about their downfall.
- You’re more concerned with exposing than restoring.
- You haven’t sought wise, biblical counsel.
- You’ve made assumptions without confirming facts.
- You haven’t prayed more than you’ve talked.
If any of these are true—wait. Let God finish healing what’s still raw. What He’s calling you to is not a crusade, but a commission. There’s a difference.
When the Time Comes: Speak with Scripture, Not Just Story
When you’re ready, approach it not with your emotions but with your Bible open. This is not about how leadership failed you—it’s about how leadership has failed God’s design.
Bring them back to the text. Remind them of the qualifications in Titus and 1 Timothy. Point to Ezekiel 34, where God confronts shepherds who feed themselves instead of the sheep. Remind them of James 3:1—that teachers will be judged with greater strictness. Use Galatians 6:1 as your posture: restore them in a spirit of gentleness, keeping watch over your own soul.
And don’t go alone. If they refuse to listen, follow the model of Matthew 18: bring others. If that too is ignored, then the church must decide how to act. Silence is not faithfulness. But speaking too soon can do more harm than good. Wisdom is knowing when and how.
Go with Grace
I write this post because I, too, have seen it, lived it, and chosen a long season of silence.
It has often been said, “gossip not refuted becomes fact.” But God’s Word has an entirely different take.
One would be wise to see who is doing all the talking!
Proverbs 16:28 – “A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.”
Gossip divides. It destroys trust and community.
You may be wrestling right now. You may be in that season of silence, and it feels like nothing is happening. But trust this: God is not idle in your silence. He is sanctifying you, refining your motives, teaching you how to stand with both truth and love in your heart.
So, don’t speak because you’re hurt. Speak because the Church is holy.
Don’t stay silent because you’re afraid. Stay silent until your silence has fostered healing and wisdom.
And when you speak, speak with boldness, speak with grace, and speak as one who knows that truth is never meant to tear down, but to build up the body of Christ.
Even when that means confronting the ones who were supposed to lead it.
